How to Impress a Guy Through 5 Steps
by volcanoes
Summary: Dave wants Kurt, it's as simple as that. But what do you do when google doesn't exactly have lists for gay men trying to impress other gay men? Improvise.
1. Take Responsibility

_1. Take responsibility_

"Hello David," Kurt said cheerfully, giving him a short wave as he walked closer to where he stood.

Dave turned around and shut his locker as he smiled at Kurt, leaning back against the row of lockers. "Hey! Want me to walk you to French?"

Kurt nodded enthusiastically. "You know, I'm so glad you came out; we can be seen together so much more now. After all, us gay kids gotta stick together, we need all the friends we can get."

Dave nodded, but his smile was fake. Every time Kurt referred to them as friends, he felt his heart sink. Dave thought that coming out meant that Kurt would want to be with him; that he would jump into his arms, and they'd ride away into the sunset together, a stack of Vogue magazines on the backseat of the car for Kurt and a six pack of red bull for Dave.

Funnily enough, coming out didn't result in Kurt swooning, but David dodging slushies and losing most of his friends.

They walked side by side, and Dave felt the urge to reach out and grab Kurt's hand, but controlled himself. Meticulousness and dapperness would win Kurt's heart, not grabbing his hand while his were most probably sweaty.

So commenced, part one of Dave's master plan: Take responsibility.

The plan was foolproof. 5 steps to winning a guys heart, all very easy, all very seemingly what girls would want. Dave had to get some credit though- he wasn't exactly the best at using google, and google wasn't the best at presenting him with lists on how to make a gay man swoon.

As Dave and Kurt walked down the hallway, Dave launched the first step.

"So, I, um, did your math homework for you," Dave said.

"What?" Kurt said incredulously.

"You're…math...homework?" Dave said, confused at Kurt's tone.

"But, why?" Kurt asked.

"Because you were having trouble with it when I tried teaching you!" Dave said indignantly.

Kurt stared at him. "If I was having problems, that means I should keep working on them so I can learn how to solve them, right?"

Dave looked flustered, and his cheeks turned bright red. "Oh, um, yeah, that makes sense. I was just…trying to take responsibility?"

"By what, cheating on a homework assignment?"

"I didn't think of it that way!" Dave said.

Kurt chuckled, as they continued to walk down the hallway, turning around a corner and stopping in front of Kurt's French class.

"We'll study again together, if that's okay with you?" Kurt said.

"Of course it is!" Dave said.

Kurt smiled, and began to walk into the class, but turned around right before Dave moved to leave. "Unless of course, you want to get rid of me, which is why you did the homework for me."

Dave stood open mouthed as Kurt chuckled, and walked into the class, the door swinging shut behind him. Dave leaned back against the wall, banging his head against the wall.

Shit.


	2. Show Leadership

_Hi there! Thank you so much to everyone who added this story to their favourites, and to story alerts! I got about 20 emails from right before a test, and it made me feel great! So thank you. Here's part two; if you like it, review! If you don't like it, review! If you had something interesting for lunch, let me know about that to! I enjoy reviews more than I probably enjoy Glee these days. _

_Also, I do not own Glee or these characters. If I did, Kurt and David would be together, Seb and Blaine would be together, and the lighting would be much better. _

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><p><em>2. Show leadership<em>

"This meeting is now coming to order."

"Dave, I don't really think-"

"I am Dave Karofsky and I am gay."

"Dave, that's not how-"

"Is anyone else here gay?"

"Dave, this isn't how a PFAG meeting goes!" Kurt finally shouted out.

"Yes, it is, I read about it online!" Dave said, defending himself.

Kurt rolled his eyes, getting up, and walked forward, moving his way to the front of the room, and began to address the people there. Dave walked sullenly to his seat next to Kurt's, and sat down, a frown across his face.

This was _not_ how it was supposed to go; Dave was supposed to get up there, show leadership, and basically make this meeting his bitch. Instead, he was sitting to one side of the room, watching Kurt make everyone in the room laugh.

Dave looked around the room, noticing the people that were there. All of Kurt's glee club friends were there, but senior year had changed them. Brittany and Santana weren't dating anymore, and Santana had found some raven haired girl to go out with. Dave was happy for her, and smiled when she looked over and winked at him. She'd been the most proud when he'd come out, and had walked around the school by his side, proudly telling anyone that would listen, "my boy here looooves-"

He'd always stopped her before she could continue.

Berry and Hudson were there too, holding hands, their engagement rings now on full display; Artie, Tina and Mike sat on the other side of Kurt, listening intently. Even this kid who Kurt referred to as Jesse St. James was there, sitting next to another kid called Sebastian Smythe, who was dating Blaine. Other than that, a few freshman had shown up, and a few of Blaine's friends from his old school, Dalton.

Dave shook himself out of his stupor once he heard Kurt address him. "David, do you have anything you'd like to add before we dismiss the meeting?"

Dave sat silently for a second, before he got up, making his way to the front of the room, and standing. Clearing his throat, he looked over at where Kurt had sit down, watching him intently.

"Uh."

Leadership, he thought to himself. Show him whose boss.

"I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who came today. I know that a lot of you don't know me, or probably dislike me-"

"We don't dislike you, Dave! You're a dolphin-unicorn, just like Kurt!" Brittany chimed a bright smile across her face.

"Oh, uh, thanks," Dave said, blushing. "Yeah, but, um. I just, I'm really happy that we can do this. When Kurt told me about this before, I wasn't really into it, because I thought it would be lame or something. But now that we're all here, and I know that I have people that are willing support me, it's…nice."

"Awww," Rachel said, bringing her hand to her heart, and pretending to wipe away a tear.

Dave had always known she'd be the dramatic sort.

"And uh, there's cookies and coffee and stuff at the back," Dave says, scratching his head. "I asked my mom to make them for us."

Everyone jumped out of their seats the moment Dave mentioned the word cookies, moving to the back and milling around, laughing and eating. Dave watched them, a small smile spreading across his face.

He did well. There was some leadership in there, if he can say so himself. Not bad for a first attempt.

He watched Kurt walk across the room, towards him, and as he neared Dave, he held up a cookie. Unintentionally, Dave opened his mouth, and then blushed, because no, Kurt had not been planning on feeding him a cookie. But before he could close it, Kurt stuffed the entire cookie into his mouth, and smiled triumphantly, patting his cheek before picking up another cookie from his plate and biting into it.

Dave blushed even redder, sputtering as he tried to swallow another cookie.

"These are so good, Dave," Kurt gushed, chewing. "Your mom is like a cooking goddess."

"Oh, thanks! I'll let her know you liked them," he said with a smile.

"And about today," Kurt began. "I think you did really well. You showed a lot of leadership, I always knew you had it in you."

Dave grinned.

"Reminded me a lot of Blaine when we started PFLAG back at Dalton. Which reminds me, I haven't said hi and congratulated him and Sebastian on finally getting together!" Kurt said, walking away and towards where Blaine, Sebastian and Jesse were sitting.

Dave felt his face fall as he slumped against the wall.

Phase 3 it is, then.


	3. Make Decisions

**_Hi there! I present to you, part 3! Only 2 more parts; I'm going to be sad to see this story go, but all stories have to end sooner or later. Thank you so much for reading everyone! Review, and let me know what you think the fourth chapter is going to be about. xx _**

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><p><em>3. Make decisions<em>

Dave stood anxiously outside the large mahogany door that made up the entrance to Kurt's house, his hands shaking and heart beating fast. Dressed in a light pink button down shirt, black jeans, and converse, Dave cursed himself for getting so dressed up when they were just going out to dinner at a sandwich shop.

Two friends. Having dinner. Together, on a Friday night.

Do not screw this up, Dave thought to himself, bringing his hand up to ring the doorbell. He took a few seconds to compose himself before Kurt swung the door open, smiling widely. He wore a white button down shirt, a black vest and black skinny jeans, his hair perfect as always.

"Dave, hey! I was wondering when you'd get here," He said excitedly.

"Oh, yeah, I was running a little late," Dave lied, leaving out the fact that he'd stood outside the door for five minutes making sure he kept his composure.

"Do you want to come in and say hi to the family?" Kurt asked.

Dave stilled. Meeting the parents- it was almost like it was a real date.

"Oh. Yeah, sure," Dave said.

Kurt smiled, grabbing Dave's hand and tugging him into the house, closing the door with his foot. Walking into the den, Kurt introduced Dave to his parents and Finn, who were watching a football game on tv.

"Hey Karofsky," Finn said with a smile, his eyes meeting Dave's for a second, before turning back to the tv.

"So where you takin' my son, Dave?" Burt asked, eyeing him up and down.

"Oh um, I thought we'd go to the sandwich shop on 23rd street, the one with all the posters?" Dave said. It came out more as a question than anything, waiting to see Burt's reaction.

"Sounds good," Burt said approvingly. Carole looked on with amusement in her eyes.

"First date?" she asked, grinning.

Dave blushed scarlet, and Kurt laughed. "If only," Kurt said. "I'm starting to think he's not even interested." He looked up at Dave, who looked confused at Kurt's expression, how different it was than his joking manner.

I mean, it's not like he would ever want to date me, Dave thought sullenly. But that's going to change. Phase 3, make decisions; this is what would win Kurt over.

"Anyway," Kurt said, breaking the silence. "We'll be leaving now."

"Remember, curfew!" Burt called as they walked away. "Not a second after 12!"

"Kay!" Kurt called back, closing the door and walking to Dave's car.

* * *

><p>The car ride had been filled with easy conversation and laughter as they made the short trip to the deli. Walking in, Kurt excused himself to go to the bathroom, and Dave went to stand at the counter.<p>

Is this when I'm supposed to be making decisions, he thought. Maybe I should choose the sandwich for Kurt, show him how well I know him.

Ordering a roast beef sandwich for himself and a tune sub for Kurt, Dave made his way back to the table where Kurt was sitting.

"I'll just go get my sandwich, I wanted to make sure no one grabbed this table-"

"I already got you a sandwich," Dave said.

"Oh?" Kurt said, a confused look across his face. He took the sandwich Dave handed him, and opened it. Looking at the contents inside, he frowned.

"Is that not what you wanted?" Dave asked.

"Oh, no, it's fine," Kurt said stiffly.

"Kurt, what's wrong? Are you allergic to tuna?"

"No," Kurt said.

"Kurt?"

"Look, I just don't like it when other guys assume that I can't eat the same stuff as they can; that I'm fragile, or girly, and can't bring myself to eat roast beef or something."

"Kurt, I didn't mean it that way, I was just trying to show you that-"

"It's fine," Kurt said with a hard smile on his face as he opened his sandwich, biting into it. "It's not like I can't stand tuna."

"We could switch if you want?"

"No, I'm fine. Thank you."

Dave quietly took another bite of his sandwich, embarrassment washing over him. He didn't want Kurt to think that Dave thought he was weak- he just wanted Kurt to see how he could make decisions too, that he wasn't a scared little boy anymore.

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><p>Finishing up their sandwiches, they got into the car to drive back. Dave had spent the entire remainder of the meal thinking about ways he could make it up to Kurt, and as they got into the car, he decided that the only way to make it up to Kurt, was to make sure that he proved how manly he was. Dave turned a corner, ignoring Kurt's half hearted protests, and made his way down to the best place he could think of.<p>

"Dave, what are we doing at a donut shop?" Kurt asked.

"It isn't just a donut shop, it's an entire dessert store," Dave began. "Cookies, donuts, candy, gummy bears, ice cream. The works."

"Your point?"

"I know you're not a girl, Kurt. Believe me, I've always known. I don't want you to think that I treat you that way either. You're one of the strongest people I know, and you're smart too. You don't need to prove you're manly, because it radiates off of you."

Kurt stared at him, a small smile forming on his face. "I still don't understand what the desert store has to do with this."

Dave unlocked the doors and took off his seatbelt before he replied. "We're going to go in there, and you're going to choose exactly what you and I are going to eat. It will be entirely your decision, and I know you'll make a great one."

"Thanks, David."

Two pastries and jello with whipped cream later, Dave walked Kurt up to the door, watching Kurt fumble with his keys.

"I had a great time," he supplied.

"Isn't that supposed to be my line?" Kurt said jokingly.

"It doesn't have to be," Dave said with a grin.

"Well, I did," Kurt said with a small smile.

"That's good," Dave said with a smile.

Suddenly, he felt Kurt coming closer and pressing a short kiss to his cheek before pulling away and smiling.

"I'm still not over the tuna sandwich fiasco though," Kurt said with a grin.

"I said I was sorry," a worried look passing over Dave's face.

Kurt moved into the house, holding the handle. "Joking, David," he said before closing the door.

Dave walked back to his car, turning it on and driving it to the corner of the street, making a left, right, and another turn before parking in front of his house. Turning the car off, he let himself fall back on the seat, closing his eyes. Today hadn't gone too badly, but it still wasn't what Dave was hoping for. He just wanted to sweep Kurt off of his feet, not insult him and then apologize. It'll be better next time, Dave thought. Next time, I'll have him. I won't even have to get to Phase 5.

Soon, he'll have Kurt.


	4. Be Strong

_Angst. You have been warned. It'll only really last in this chapter though, so do not despair! Remember to review, because reviews are better than the smell of old books, and peanut butter combined. _

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><p><em>4. Be strong<em>

Lying in the bed of a truck and watching the stars with Kurt Hummel is an experience Dave won't soon forget. When you can hear the breath of the person you love drawing in and out slowly in otherwise calm silence, you feel a certain beauty in your life.

One that you don't experience even when you stuff three Reese peanut butter cups in your mouth.

"I'm so glad you thought to come here, Dave," Kurt said softly, moving his hands up to rest behind his head. "It's completely peaceful, and exhilarating at the same time. I know I shouldn't be here right now, and I should be worrying about the thousands of things I have to do, but for now, I'd rather just sit here."

"Hmm," Dave said. Because really, one can't come up with the greatest of responses when you can feel the body heat of the person you love radiating onto your side.

"You know what would be great right now?" Kurt asked.

"What?"

"Ice cream."

"Kurt, it's still February. It may not be as cold as it was a month ago, but I'm fairly sure you might catch pneumonia if you eat anything even mildly cold right now," Dave replied. "Besides, you're so skinny, you could catch anything even if you didn't try."

Kurt swatted Dave's hand away as it moved to poke him in the stomach, laughing. "I'm sorry my BMI isn't high enough for you, David."

"You should be. We have to get some meat on your bones." Dave said.

Kurt turned his head to look at him, his eyes big and beautiful, shinning in the darkness.

"I'm glad we talked that night at Scandals, Dave," he whispered.

Dave looked at him, and swallowed loudly, turning his head away and smiling softly.

The stars have never shined the way they do now, and maybe it's because Kurt is laying next to Dave and telling him he's happy to be with him, or maybe it's the fact that it's one of the warmer days they've had in the past two months, but what Dave understands from all of this is that it's not that weather that's making Dave shiver slightly it's Kurt; and it's not the stars that are shining brightly, it's Kurt's exuberantly happy face.

Dave wants to tell Kurt that he loves him more than he's ever loved anyone else, and that he would happily ride off into the sunset with Kurt, but instead he replies simply with "I'm glad, too."

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><p>"Lima has its own kind of beauty," he says. "Only when other people aren't around, though."<p>

Dave chuckles.

"I can't wait to get out of here."

Dave turns his head sharply, staring at Kurt. "What?"

"Dave, you've always known that I'd leave here as soon as I could. New York is where I belong. Broadway is where I belong. This hick town will never be good enough for me."

Dave turned away as he felt his eyes water, sniffing in sharply to make sure no moisture escaped onto his cheeks.

"Once I leave, I'll never look back. Whether I'm on the Broadway stage, or waiting tables, I'll be happy, because I'll be away from here."

"And forget all about me," Dave whispered thickly.

"What?" Kurt asked.

"I said, you'll forget all about me." Dave said louder.

This isn't the time to be angry at Kurt. This isn't the time to feel hurt that Kurt would leave him behind, for a life Dave didn't even know existed. He didn't understand being happy with whatever one had. All of his life, he'd wanted too much. Wanted to fit in, wanted to hide who he was, wanted to _change _who he was. Wanted Kurt, _needed_ Kurt, _loved_ Kurt.

"Of course I wouldn't, Dave, I meant for you-" Kurt began.

"No, I get it, Kurt," Dave said, sliding off of the truck and staring at Kurt. "I get it that you only cared enough to help me find my way, and then after that just leave me behind. For once, I thought someone valued me enough, hell, _liked_ me enough to think about maintaining their friendship with me. I thought I mattered to you, Kurt. I thought we _mattered_."

"Dave, I never said I would leave you behind!" Kurt's voice rose higher, as he got off the truck to face Dave. "You didn't even let me finish!"

"Sorry, I didn't exactly want to hear you talk about New York and how life would be so much better without this hick town, which by the way, includes me."

"See, this is why you've never understood how I feel about you!" Kurt screamed. "You never let me finish, you never actually understand what I'm trying to say."

"Tell me what you're trying to say, Kurt" Dave sarcastically replied.

"I wanted to tell you to come with me," Kurt said angrily. "I wanted you to be a part of my life in New York, in Lima, in freaking Zimbabwe! But you're too busy ignoring everything I say!"

"Ignoring you?" Dave asked angrily. "I'm in LOVE with you."

Shit. Shit, shit, _shit_.

"Wait, no, I didn't-"

"I know."

"You what?"

"I know you love me. You don't think I do? You don't think I love you back?"

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because you were too busy doing God knows what instead of actually telling me how you feel."

"I was trying to tell you, I just didn't know how."

"Just take me home, Dave."

"Kurt, look-"

"Dave. Please just take me home."

Be strong, Dave thought to himself. Being strong means you will not throw fits, you will not go against what someone wants you to do. Just listen to him.

Dave quietly walked over to the front of the truck and pulled the door open for Kurt, watching him get in before shutting it and walking over to the other side.

The car ride was quiet, as both of them looked out of the window, the silence tense.

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><p>As Dave shut the car off and got out of the door, he realized that this might be the last time he'll get to walk Kurt to his door.<p>

Kurt turned to face him as they got to the front door, his expression blank.

"If you knew me," he whispered, "You'd know that I love you too."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means maybe you don't know me well enough."

With that, Kurt closed the door, leaving Dave outside.


	5. Be Manly

**_This is it, you guys! The last chapter. Thank you so much to everyone that reviewed, you really don't know how much it means to me to see you all take time out to read and comment on my mediocre writing. I hope I made you guys smile at least once in this story. Xoxox_**

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><p><em>5. Be manly <em>

'"Testing, testing…I like cheese?"

Alright, so it's not exactly customary to tell a large crowd of people that someone likes cheese when they were testing out a mic on a stage in the middle of a cafeteria, but considering this was the last step on Dave's list, and it involved being manly, and men never feared people, it made sense. Because men are supposed to be strong, and Dave Karofsky is strong.

"Hi."

A few people looked up from their trays of food, their curious eyes flitting to the stage where Dave stood, a mic in one hand, the other in his pocket. Dave shifted nervously from side to side, looking for Kurt in the mob.

"Um, if somebody can see Kurt, can they shout out something?"

Just as Dave said this, he heard Santana's voice. "He's right here!"

"Thanks San!"

Dave looked over to where he could see Kurt. He was standing with his arms folded, his expression blank as he looked up at Dave on stage.

"I have something to say to you, Kurt Hummel." Dave said.

This is your moment, Dave thought. Last chance. Don't screw it up.

"On Saturday, you told me that I didn't know you. And I'm here, up on this stage, to prove to you that I know everything about you."

Dave saw Kurt's eyes widen as he continued to talk, and Dave gave him a shy smile.

"I know that your middle name is Elizabeth, and your dad's name is Burt. Your step-moms name is Carole, and Finn is your step-brother. You love Rachel, but hate her at the same time. Mercedes is your friend-ship soul mate, and you and Tina love talking about fashion trends before Glee club."

Dave saw Rachel poking Kurt, a smile on her face. Mercedes and Tina were laughing, and waved when they saw Dave looking over.

"You have math class right after lunch today, and French right after that. When you go home, you'll make yourself a salad and probably chase after Finn trying to make him eat it too."

He saw Kurt's expression change, a smile forming across his face.

"I know you like to put ketchup on everything you eat, even popcorn, and although everyone may think that's disgusting, I think it's adorable, because I think _you_ are adorable. Because you do it, I've started doing the same thing, because it makes me feel closer to you. I'm reminded of you every time, and what makes it special is that I think of you when I walk down the condiments section at the grocery store, I think about you at cinemas, and I think of you at carnivals; I think of you everywhere."

He saw Kurt laugh, shaking his head slowly at hearing Dave talk about the food he eats. Dave let out a chuckle, continuing.

"I know that sometimes you think, hell, maybe if I just wear a pair of sneakers and a t-shirt today, nobody will care; but then you think about Tina and Mercedes, and how happy they get to see you in your fabulous outfits, so you drag yourself over to the closet to pick out something."

"I know that you hate being treated like a girl, because you obviously like di-"

"Shut up!" He heard Finn say, horrified. Dave laughed along with everyone as they watched Finn cover his ears.

"I know that you love Mumford & Sons, and you think Florence Welch has the best hair you've ever seen. You like Lady Gaga, but not as much as everyone seems to think you do. You like to sleep with two pillows under you head, one at your side, and one on top of your face. I know your entire skin care routine which starts at exactly 9:00 pm every night, even when you're over at my house."

He saw Kurt walk a little closer as he kept going, listing everything and anything he could think about Kurt.

"I know that although you may not have liked it when I kissed you that day in the locker room; and yes everyone, I kissed Kurt in a locker room, before asking him if I could, but I know that you love surprise kisses in movies, because you feel like you've never been chased after, which is what I'm trying to do right now. I remember when we watched the notebook, and you shrieked during the rain kiss scene, and all I could do at that moment was think about kissing you in the rain, but mostly about you in a wet shirt-"

"KAROFSKY!" He heard Finn shout again.

"Sorry, sorry! Jeez. Kurt, what I'm trying to say is that I love you. Plainly, and simply, the way one loves another. And I thought that some stupid list of ways to get a man to like you would help in winning you over, when really, all I needed to do was tell you that I love you; everything about you."

Dave shuffled his feet a little, letting a moment pass. "Anyway, that's all I had to say. I guess I'll get off of the stage now-"

Just as Dave finished his sentence, he saw Kurt running towards the stage. "What-" was all David managed to say before Kurt flung himself onto Dave, wrapping his arms around Dave as he staggered backwards. Kurt pressed his lips to Kurt and kissed him, smiling when he felt Dave respond after the few seconds of shock. Dave could hear whoops and cheers coming from across the cafeteria where the Glee club sat, and a faint 'Get some, Dave' from a voice that sounded suspiciously like Puck's, which Dave ignored in favor of wrapping one hand around Kurt's waist and another holding him up by his thigh, pressing in closer and kissing Kurt deeper.

After what felt like forever, but had only been a minute, Kurt pulled away, pressing his forehead against Dave as he kept his eyes closed.

"I love you."

"I love you more." Dave whispered, out of breath.

"Are we really going to be the kind of couple that has these kinds of fights, Dave?" Kurt asked with a chuckle.

"No, because you're going to accept that I love you more than anyone has ever loved another."

Kurt laughed at this. "You should put me down."

"Why?"

"Because we're in a room with over a 100 people."

"You have a point."

"So do it."

"Do what?"

"Put me down, Dave!"

"Oh right!" Dave said suddenly, letting go of Kurt and dropping him down to the floor. Kurt smiled at him, patting his hair back into place. Smiling, he held out his hand to Dave's, who took it with a grin as they walked off of the stage and to the Glee club's table.

"Finally," he heard Santana say as they sat down. "I was waiting for Dave to say something; I was tired of hearing Dave mope around all the damn time when we were together."

Dave blushed as he saw Kurt laugh, squeezing his fingers slightly.

"So Dave, will you be joining the Glee club now?" Rachel asked. "Kurt's told me you're a fabulous singer, and I could always use a few more male leads who can keep up with my vocal talent."

Before Dave could reply, Rachel and Finn began to argue about Finn being a good enough singer for Rachel alone, and he looked over at Kurt, shaking his head and smiling.

"I may actually take Rachel up on that offer," Dave whispered, leaning over to speak into Kurt's ear. "Anything to spend more time with you."

"We'll spend plenty of time together," Kurt whispered. "Years and years, once I drag you to New York with me."

Dave lightly kissed Kurt before pulling away and wrapping his arms around Kurt.

In that moment, in a crowded cafeteria, in front of everyone, Dave had been a man; one who took charge of what he wanted, but most importantly, he got Kurt.

That list of steps should be framed.


End file.
